Ozzy got it right

The closing on the new apartment has been postponed...booo:(
But, nonetheless, I have been floating in a state of euphoria...
Finally...coming home.
I am one of those people who really gets into the lyrics of songs. And lately, I found myself humming Ozzy Osbourne's "I'm coming home".
More than that; it was more like you have a song stuck in your head, after hearing it...but I have not heard THIS song since one summer many years ago when I played it all the time. So, I decided to look it up...oh WOW...
Substitute NYC wherever it says Mama, and yep, that how it feels:

Times have changed and times are strange
Here I come but I aint the same
Mama, Im coming home

Times gone by seem to be
You could have been a better friend to me
Mama, Im coming home

Took me in and you drove me out
Yeah, you had me hypnotized
Lost and found and turned around
By the fire in your eyes

You made me cry, told me lies
But, I cant stand to say goodbye
Mama Im coming home

I could be right, I could be wrong
Hurts so bad, its been so long
Mama, Im coming home

Selfish love yeah, were both alone
The ride before a fall
But Im gonna take this heart of stone
I just got to have it all

Ive seen your face a hundred times
Every day weve been apart
I dont care about the sunshine, yeah
Cause mama, mama Im coming home




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

This it it...

This is it...my friends...
It's been awhile and I have been remiss... I have gone through a trial period to put it mildly.
I have come to see how much of my identity has been tied to my work.
I have come to see how much I have cheated myself...
I have come to know who my one true love is...
It started in February with the loss of a job and a wallet.
The wallet was finally retrieved with a few hundred bucks.
The job...well, I am working for myself again...
And, thanks to NOT myself, I HAVE ESCAPED from JERSEY!!!
This is my last shameful drunk ride on the bus... From now on, I am going to be classy, taking a discrete ride in a taxi like a normal person.
I will be shortly posting a link to a new blog- about every-fucking-day gratitude I will be feeling about getting a second chance to live in the best place in the world...coming soon. Goodnite, darlings!

.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Port authority

OMG FML!!!!

Sorry for the long absence....my life has been so utterly FML that I could barely function, much less write here.
So, here is where we are today...
Shortly after my last post, I was officially laid off, (FML #1) along with 55 of my friends from work. After enduring hours of promising interviews with company K, both B and I end up NOT getting an offer for a job over there. After a brief WTF period, we come to (a later confirmed) conclusion that company K hates to pay out real dough and they only took on people who make peanuts...I decide to fuck it all and go back to my own business. Very excited and meet with bigP who promises to mentor and help.
Then, after a big goodbye party this Monday, we all get emails that the lay offs were 'extended' and we are all still fired but must keep on reporting to work, though now on severance pay...indefinitely!!!! FML
I learn that the state has shut down my LLC for never filing taxes (FML #2) but not a major deal, as will just LLC a new one. Still though...
Before I learn that the layoff is fake, I made plans to bring back the dogs from the Rents to rejoin my life as a happy pack. Unfortunately, mentally ill Bella decides to torture me for leaving her as I went to my fake job; she pretended to choke for two nights straight, in between fits of screaming. I am like a zombie by Wednesday and rush home on an early bus (oh yes, another FML, back to the BUS) so that I can drive the dogs back to the Rents. I rush home from the bus, pack the dogs, drive over to the Rents, drive back home and pass out....
...only to discover, this morning, that somehow, somewhere along the sleep deprived, DNA-frying previous evening I have lost my wallet. FML #4 to 1444!!!! Because, having had interviews at the temp agency, as was the plan to supplement the new business, I had EVERYTHING in my wallet: every ID, SS card, health insurance, etc and fucking bus tickets for a week.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
FUUUUUUUUUCK! This is kinda what I sounded like today, driving (illegally, of course, without license) from the bus company where there was no wallet.
That is, of course, until I remembered the fabric convertible roof, that is not soundproof and explained the horrified pedestrians outside deli, when I screamed my frustration at a red light. (one must cry and scream though...otherwise, that shit has nowhere to go and becomes cancer tumors if you squish it in).
I have possibility of new fabulous job...which i might not get, as cannot prove identity. Cannot get drivers license without SScard....cannot get SS card without license...cannot get new green card without both...I am shit outta luck my friends. I might as well move to mexico and just pay a few hundred bucks for a whole new identity...sure seems easier than this BS. Oh, did I mention that my foreign birth certificate is useless?
I spent good times at the cop shop filing a report. In the waiting area I met a craigslist victim who got her account cleaned out from responding to a fake job post! Poor dear. I had a pathetic moment at the cop shop and I cried, but deep inside I knew my tears were phony, trying to get sympathy from the nice bored Fancytown officers. After filing the report, I drink lots of vodka and smoke while talking to all the nice people in India who cancel my credit cards. FML! FML! FML!
I am only going to touch the face stress pimple situation with a feather...
I can't!
This has been DAYS of a million I CAN'Ts....
So, that's what I've been up to. It has been a less-than-stellar start to the new year!!!
But...not one cold, healthy as a horse, and still spending days laughing with B!
So, just letting you know I'm alive... But there will be no posts until I have something positive to report!
Meanwhile, I am trying to figure out what Karma offenses I have committed to deserve such piles of shit. The offenses that I can think of do not seem to fit the punishment.... so please, if I have done you, or someone you know, WRONG, please let me know!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Jersey hood

The Loooongest Week

Finally, finally this week is OVER and I am home in my messy apartment.

Let's review. Monday was probably the best day. By Tuesday, the constant tension from hovering on the Edge of the Unknown starts to make me nauseous and generally gross. However, the news was full of stories about another STORM coming, so there was hope that Wednsday would be a snow day. I had yet another commuter FAIL on Tuesday night, when realized too late that the electronic station sign was broken and stuck on same station, so I miss my stop and realize this as the train pulls away from the station after mine, so actually miss my stop by two stations. It takes an hour and 20 min to walk home in the dark, on the fucking un-shoveled snowy, icy sidewalks. I fall twice and pee in the church bushes once on this trip. Dammit. It goes without saying that I must make a stop at the wine shop on the way home. I cannot believe how fast the bottle is gone, but it's ok, bc there will be snow tomorrow.
Wake up on Wednesday morning and run to the window only to be crestfallen to see the pathetic cat piss amount of snow that will not stop any trains. Decide that cannot deal and take a personal day. I go online to investigate other job possibilities and work myself up into an anxiety attack and spend the day in a weird kind of stupor that's very unlike me. Suspect that might have depression. Shit. Around 6pm, I get a text from L2, wondering where the hell have I been and that he hopes I'm sunning my ass someplace with palm trees and little umbrellas in sugary drinks. I wish. Realize that with my car missing from the lot and my habit of using just the bedroom and not turning on lights, it looks like I'm taking a fab vay-kay. I text L2 back that I'm home and we make plans to go have drinks.
Over oysters and martinis at that bar (where else), we catch up and I get the next installment of miss Russia's shenanigans. That bitch is unhinged. L2 tells me about lame New Years spent at miss Russia's mom's house, where the dumb-dumb made a big mistake of letting L2 see her in the morning without her usual 2.5 hour beauty prep. L2 sed that he was like, OMG, I cannot believe that I put up with so much shit for THIS girl. I daintily shove an oyster with a dollop of horse radish in my mouth, suck on an olive and shake my head with sympathy listening to this mess. Then L2 drops an indecent proposal bomb on me, and asks me if I would accompany him on his next trip to a tropical location. He has come to the conclusion that I am more fun (duh). I agree right away, bc always have fun with L2. Once home, as I peel off my clothes and unsteadily get to bed, I wonder if the Russian mob will bust my knee caps upon my return.
As you can guess, Thursday morning was challenging, but felt better by the time I walked to the station in the deep chill. I tell my train friend L that I'm feeling fragile and need to sit alone today, and the train sets off to the city. Once at work, I finally get to see bigP and we have a little talk and he gives me some good advice. I follow it, and get a tiny moment of feeling better about things. It is V's last day, and after work we all head to Legends where we settle upstairs in the fake regency couches. All types of WRONG FOODS arrive, and i tell V that B sed she is a closet junkfood eater and V confirms its true. I keep V steadily supplied with wine, and soon our big group is buzzed and the conversation heads into TMI territory, very loud with lots of hysterical laughter. Highlights: everyone shares tales of the BIG men in our past, (we are practically having seizures, as B and I sing 5...5...5...dollar foot-long about her Atalanta lovah, and I bring up Ira the Giant Jew of 2nd avenue) then, naturally and organically, the convo proceeds to the topic of man-scaping. V, who has been married for 16 years, cannot believe how things have changed and that it's no longer just the gay men who are sporting hard wood floors instead of shag carpets! Good times! By this time, V2 brings his hotness to the bar, and is the only male in our big group. We badger him with indecent questions and that mofo is loving every minute. Eventually, I have to shlep back to the office, where workaholic MM is still buzzing around, bc she is giving me a ride home, being co-resident of Fancytown NJ. I must remember to thank MM profusely for putting up with my alcohol fumes and rambling (I'm sure).
Get home at midnight and oddly cannot sleep, and when I finally do fall asleep, I have completely insane dreams. In the dream, I get to live on the top floor of a fantastic brownstone in NYC, but there is a catch: I can only access the apartment by climbing the outside wall spider-man style and entering through a terrace in the back. This is especially cumbersome, as I have two Siamese cats who for some reason always cling to my shoulders using claws. In addition, there is a garden in the back with a large dog house in which I keep Larry David as a pet. Oddly enough, Larry has a ladder which he must climb to the terrace where I keep his food bowl, but he is not allowed to eat when I'm home. He doesn't obey this very well, and I keep having to run out to the terrace and push him back down. Later in the dream, I am on the train with my mother and we have a large wooden crate with us, which contains a mattress outfitted with a bed-in-the-bag. We are traveling to a port, where we will ship this thing as a gift for someone's wedding. We are having a horrible fight, bc I am screaming that we should just ship the bed-in-the-bag and it's not necessary to ship the entire mattress already dressed. Night falls on the train and I'm trying to find a place to sleep, but there is nowhere comfortable, so mom tells me that I should just get inside the crate and sleep on the nice mattress. We pry the lid open and I get in and get comfortable, only to realize that this is a HORRID TRICK on moms part, bc she produces nails and a hammer and starts nailing me in and I realize I will be part of the shipment!!!! I wake up tangled in the comforter and all the pillows on the floor and the cats looking at me disapprovingly from the safe distance on top of the dresser. Jesus!
This dream is about the impossibility of moving back to NYC and my struggle with mom's not so secret wish to see me shipped off to and boxed in some marriage. I think that the Siamese cats represent my addiction to sleek expensive fashion, which claws at my bank account. And Larry David probably represents a possible solution of enslaving a rich man as means of moving to NYC, but knowing he would then annoy me by trying to live with me. HA!
This morning, I could not believe there was another day to get through in this never ending week, but eventually, this too, did pass.
I am determined to have a cleansing (of apartment and self) weekend. A low sodium, alcohol free, time at the gym weekend. A nice, boring weekend. Bc Monday is a big day, but cannot say, as do not want to jinx.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Home

A Spendthrift Weekend

It is Sunday night and I am in a reflective mood, having spent an incredibly thrifty weekend. No money has been (frivolously) spent, because the Ladybug is held by dad in the luxury if the Rents' garage for observation. Dad is trying to figure out the reason for Ladybugs finicky ways. As such, I was delivered back to Fancytown by mom on Saturday morning, and after a stop at WholeFoods. No Ladybug=no going anywhere to spend money or worse. Once home, I saw All Good Things (excellent movie) and then tried to find my missing shows on other channels. (failed. Thanks, Oprah)
Today, was quite creative:
First, I made up a new vegan dish for lunch and LUV it!
A thai tomato & tempeh salad. Delish! The tempeh needs to be sautéed with any oil other than veg, bc the EVOO made the fire alarm go off. Here is the result, complete stuffiness under 500cKal:


The tempeh is from vegan section at WholeFoods.

Then, I made a nice fire in the living room and went through spring fashion mags for tomorrows meeting. I ended up spending all day here, and, inspired by some of the photography, I started messing around in the sketchbook, trying to come up with some compos for paintings. This was a warm-up from looking at some new Donna Karan ads:



Next, obsessed by all the mascara ads, I practiced some eyes and lips. I got so involved with the features that I ended up with a long horse face, lol!


And then, finally, eventually, she came to me. That's the one. This will be the next painting:



Not having the Ladybug around is great for my wallet...
I finished all my reading about Parrot Babies and have come to the conclusion that this is not the year for a fine feathered friend to enter my life :(
But now I know what I'd like to be when I grow up: a rich, eccentric painter (very skinny), running around the studio splashing paints with abandon while my parrot screams at me!

Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Jersey Hood

It is a Hard Day's Night

...but when I get home to you (Ladybug Car), I find the things that you do, DO NOT MAKE ME FEEL ALL RIGHT!!!!

This was a...challenging day (I am practicing not using profanity, as to not corrupt Parrot Baby one day).
Dinner at the Rents' with Honey Chile, the Twins and rest of family, has been rescheduled from Friday night to Thursday because of upcoming SNOWFLAKES! Pile of shit ('scuseme, stuff) to do at work makes it not the ideal day to leave early, but the emotional overload from being on the Edge of the Unknown does make an early getaway attractive. Therefore, I rush rush rush to make the 5:45pm train and it is HORRID. It's crowded like a a cowtruck heading to slaughterhouse, with mood on-board similar and the smell as bad, though of different variety (old umbrellas and stressed white people). I find a seat between two fatties and soon wish I were standing. This is the view:

The woman next to me is squashing me with thighs that she cannot keep together on account of their bulk, and she busies herself with frantic blackberry pounding between fits of DISGUSTING PRODUCTIVE COUGH!!! It is then that I realize the in my haste I have forgotten the headphones at work and now will have listen to that all the way home. The headphones are my anchor to sanity in these situations. I think that I can actually feel my DNA fraying with age and disease from the commute!
I eventually get home, feed the cats, and rush out to leave and discover that the Ladybug is dead to the world!
I do not even get a dim headlight :( I call mom to inform her of the situation and she is very sad for me, but still cannot help herself from mentioning how a husband would be a godsend in such a situation! Mom lives in a rosy delusional world, where she thinks every husband is like her husband. Not so, I'm afraid...every man I ever let in my life made things worse for me in the long run, and I was the one always assembling furniture and fixing shit (sorry stuff) and the other men in the 'hood who tried to help me with the car in the past and FAILED are in fact other women's husbands. Anyway. Feeling really dejected and already emotionally frail, I am really really close to crying but remember dad's advise that life will always throw you something REAL to cry about and make you feel stupid for crying about stupid crap. So I bravely head out to the deli to buy cat food and while there I decide that since everything sucks, I should be like other girls around the world and do the ice cream thing, so I buy a small tub. Oh God: who have i become? I think as I am paying for cat food and ice cream on a Thursday night...LOSER!!!! Entering the house from the front, I discover a package from Amazon and spirits are lifted considerably. At home, I get into pajamas, and settle into bed with book, ice cream and cats. HA! So this is how the other half lives! Cannot get over the deliciousness of ice cream, not having had any in years! I pass out into sweet sugar coma, only to wake at 4am and pass the rest of the night sick from ice cream!
Good. At least won't get fat from it, lol!

On the Edge of the Unknown

Oh yeah, it's back to normal, all right!
The back to normal, nobody knows if they have a job tomorrow or not shit!
Dammit!
From the beginning:
Day starts out rosy and with good intentions, I would even venture so far as to say with a yoga worthy intent, that intent being to pick trend stories and colors for Spring 2012. Just look at this efficient, getting shit done, work-mode:



I stray only a few times, mainly to make a car payment and to research the Parrot Baby. In other words, exemplary productivity. Peaceful...in other words, every kind of WRONG!

In the afternoon, V calls to come upstairs and talk. V reveals several TMI stories and I feel the need to reciprocate with some of my own. Then V reveals that she has resigned and I cannot even pretend that I am in a shock and I'm happy for V. Then V gives me all sorts of info re Company K, none of it too comforting, and I almost kill myself on the way downstairs and drag B to my office and shut the door and pant: 'sit down' and then I unload myself by barfing all that info into her ear and she has a bomb of her own, about D2 wasting company $$ on a shopping trip in Japan with her Japanese pet from sleepwear, rather than home with sick relative!!!
All this is a lot to bear and we escape to Legends to drown our uncertainty and job stress in booze and WRONG FOODS! The lovely idea to not drink all week is now bulldozed on Wednesday(nice) and barely holding onto the no smoking thing (dying for one!)
D4 is unable to join us but she sends a text that sends me and B under the bar in hysterical laughter. Text from D4 says:
Guess who has been doing 6pack abs exercise program at her desk instead of working?
We figure is tech director S, who runs that team like KGB or similar, taking attendance and shit and 'writing people up', whatever that means! Still, we send a frantic reply:
WHO???
The answer, when it comes, is not as confirming as it might seem:
Well, her initials are SS
That sounds right, however, there are other people on the tech team with same initials. We text back and forth to confirm, all the while getting more intoxicated while demonstrating what techDD S might look like doing the elbow to knee move (a classic at your desk ab move) at desk at work. You had to be there...Eventually we are forced to share the story with bartender, who was probably wondering if we were patients out on a day pass from Bellevue.
Then D4 texts that the techDD S has hidden the manual for the abdominal workout in one of the factory safety procedure binders, in order to consult all day while appearing to be hard at work. B and I demand the 411 on the binder, so that we can sneak in and replace the abdominal workout manual with something else- we are torn between the dessert menu from Fridays or the 'how to go down on a man like a gay man' manual. Hmm.

And so goes on the professional life...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:On train