OMG FML!!!!

Sorry for the long absence....my life has been so utterly FML that I could barely function, much less write here.
So, here is where we are today...
Shortly after my last post, I was officially laid off, (FML #1) along with 55 of my friends from work. After enduring hours of promising interviews with company K, both B and I end up NOT getting an offer for a job over there. After a brief WTF period, we come to (a later confirmed) conclusion that company K hates to pay out real dough and they only took on people who make peanuts...I decide to fuck it all and go back to my own business. Very excited and meet with bigP who promises to mentor and help.
Then, after a big goodbye party this Monday, we all get emails that the lay offs were 'extended' and we are all still fired but must keep on reporting to work, though now on severance pay...indefinitely!!!! FML
I learn that the state has shut down my LLC for never filing taxes (FML #2) but not a major deal, as will just LLC a new one. Still though...
Before I learn that the layoff is fake, I made plans to bring back the dogs from the Rents to rejoin my life as a happy pack. Unfortunately, mentally ill Bella decides to torture me for leaving her as I went to my fake job; she pretended to choke for two nights straight, in between fits of screaming. I am like a zombie by Wednesday and rush home on an early bus (oh yes, another FML, back to the BUS) so that I can drive the dogs back to the Rents. I rush home from the bus, pack the dogs, drive over to the Rents, drive back home and pass out....
...only to discover, this morning, that somehow, somewhere along the sleep deprived, DNA-frying previous evening I have lost my wallet. FML #4 to 1444!!!! Because, having had interviews at the temp agency, as was the plan to supplement the new business, I had EVERYTHING in my wallet: every ID, SS card, health insurance, etc and fucking bus tickets for a week.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
FUUUUUUUUUCK! This is kinda what I sounded like today, driving (illegally, of course, without license) from the bus company where there was no wallet.
That is, of course, until I remembered the fabric convertible roof, that is not soundproof and explained the horrified pedestrians outside deli, when I screamed my frustration at a red light. (one must cry and scream though...otherwise, that shit has nowhere to go and becomes cancer tumors if you squish it in).
I have possibility of new fabulous job...which i might not get, as cannot prove identity. Cannot get drivers license without SScard....cannot get SS card without license...cannot get new green card without both...I am shit outta luck my friends. I might as well move to mexico and just pay a few hundred bucks for a whole new identity...sure seems easier than this BS. Oh, did I mention that my foreign birth certificate is useless?
I spent good times at the cop shop filing a report. In the waiting area I met a craigslist victim who got her account cleaned out from responding to a fake job post! Poor dear. I had a pathetic moment at the cop shop and I cried, but deep inside I knew my tears were phony, trying to get sympathy from the nice bored Fancytown officers. After filing the report, I drink lots of vodka and smoke while talking to all the nice people in India who cancel my credit cards. FML! FML! FML!
I am only going to touch the face stress pimple situation with a feather...
I can't!
This has been DAYS of a million I CAN'Ts....
So, that's what I've been up to. It has been a less-than-stellar start to the new year!!!
But...not one cold, healthy as a horse, and still spending days laughing with B!
So, just letting you know I'm alive... But there will be no posts until I have something positive to report!
Meanwhile, I am trying to figure out what Karma offenses I have committed to deserve such piles of shit. The offenses that I can think of do not seem to fit the punishment.... so please, if I have done you, or someone you know, WRONG, please let me know!


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Location:Jersey hood