Is You Is or Is You Ain't My Baby

I am in loooove! Like in Lady Gaga I want your Luv...luv luv luv!
I spent the afternoon at Fancy Feathers where I went to discuss the possibility of finally owning my dream parrot! And the lovely Proprietor D (all peeps in my life have a name starting with D!) allowed me to spend an hour with a baby that's already sold to someone else...what a sweetheart!
She's getting new babies in mid January, and I just might be putting down a deposit! I need name suggestions! I am leaning towards Earl Grey if it's a boy...

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Location:Jersey Hood

Sketchbook Doodles

This morning, I was introduced to the joys of digging out the Ladybug from under a mountain of snow. Holy Shit! Next time it snows, I am parking that thing in the garage next door, and hope it snows on Sunday, so it's only $1 overnight. Since nothing other than unwanted exercise happened lately, I am posting some recent sketchbook doodles.




This chick was at a Starbucks and I was struck by her eyelash extension job, and even tho this was probably done for Xmas and half of them already fell out it was still super sexy. There was one of those paintings behind her, the starbucks standard about their fair-trade practices, usually showing some jungle. I found myself wishing that the leaves really grew out of her head, rather than hair.




This is a practice sketch for a fantasy-fashion painting I've been wanting to do, exploring the relationship between red and violet. I am not getting her eye makeup right and still unsure about background.

This last one, I am pretty sure was a sleepwalking one. Because a) it was in the middle of the book b) I have no memory of doing it c)I hate her newscaster hairstyle d)I would never do the leopard dot detail on the dress while awake. But I can tell by the face it's one of my girls. Go figure.



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Location:Jersey Hood

The STORM!

We have our official first storm darlings!

After safely getting home from bizarre in movie dining experience (see below), nfM and I hang our for awhile, during which nfM tells me family drama stories and discuss her upcoming plans. Very impressive, nfM with her jet setting, all over the world spa career plans, on top of which girlfriend plays the didgeridoo! Eventually, she braves the storm outside and I get a text from L2, inviting me upstairs to drink, bragging that he got prepared for the STORM with much booze! Yey! I make a tray of goodies and head upstairs to L2's apartment where we drink a ton of vodka, smoke weed and have riveting conversations. L2 demonstrates music equipment (the room I use for FASHION, L2 uses for music hobby, and I see how jersey seduces everyone with SPACE, tho in unique ways). I tell L2 about how stores charge my company whenever stuff is on sale and other nuances of pajama business. L2 tells me about the various ways his flawless Russian piece is missing the certain...something. It's character and class, I enlighten him, after seeing a picture of that piece which he tells me looks like me. I correct him that the piece in that picture wishes she looked like me. Then, we watch some dumb ass movie, and someone in that movie drives a ferrari or similar, and L2 says longingly :'cmon, you know if I had that car I could get anything I want!'
My weed-fueled brain dispenses this cracked pearl of wisdom in response:
'if that's the case, you never wanted a lot, L2'
This causes a stoner pause and lull. Eventually, I take my leave. Upon returning home, I look outside and marvel at seriousness of the STORM, and need to clean up the snow in the dining room that has gotten inside through that window I cannot close! I experience a moment of deep gratitude for having a home, shelter and heat on such a night, being forever warped by the horrid Hans Anderson Little Matchbook Girl story that I sincerely hope has been banned since own childhood. Own self had awful nights in childhood, imagining the vile drafty attic home, a slow freezing death and the ghost of dead grandma! Although, I did always like that no pets were harmed in that story. On that note, I am grabbing the cats and the dogs and we are going to sleep under many blankets!


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Cinematic suburban Disturbia

Holy Shit!
This was going to be a not blog-worthy, just going to the movies the day after Xmas kind of deal. But NO!

So my nfM (new friend M who will get a number if ends up being a regular friend) so nfM and I make plans to see Little Fockers. Forewarned by newscasts and the Rents, I am aware of upcoming SNOW and how my impractical car (copyright:mom) can never ever ever be out in the SNOW.
So nfM and I make plans to see the super early show at a certain suburban hub that also houses a Macy's store and a Petco. Off we go and arrive at the familiar movie theater to find it not familiar at all! No normal box office and wonderful popcorn smell. We arrive to see THiS:





A cheesy, Las Vegas style BOOZE lounge (???!!!WTF???)
As we buy the tix, we are informed that this is now a full on dine-in, movie experience theater and are we willing to pay $17.50 per ticket of which $7.50 is our food credit....nfM and I are speechless, mentally reeling from this curve thrown at us so unexpectedly!!! ...er...er..say we and ask if this extra fee is for our popcorn and all. NO, this is for our in-movie dining experience. We are presented with a screen representing the theater and asked to click on our dining seats, where we must sit, like it's the fucking Cirque de Soleil or some such, instead of just a generic ass movie that we came to see. ok ok, we buy the tickets and proceed inside, noting the bizarre new carpeting that makes us feel like we are on a cruise ship (nfM confirms this, glamourized by actually having worked in spa settings on fancy ass cruise ships and spending months 'at sea'...love expression 'at sea').
We get inside what used to be the normal theater #2 but now looks like this:











Sorry for poor quality, these are taken with iPhone, but just note: this again is a vegas set up, with everyone having low lit tables and having to choose from the menu...yes, while the movie has started and then, throughout the movie!!!!
The menu consists of triple bypass specials that no one would ever order!











Our waitress comes and takes our order. It takes us an inordinate amount of time, on account of poor lighting and, more significantly, the fact that this is Jersey, and when one comes to see the movie, it is to see the movie, and to reprogram the suburban brain to now have to incorporate the 'in the diner' think track takes a major shift...The movie starts, and is funny and we try to enjoy it, but the movie waiters keep dashing back and forth with trays and repeatedly bring us other peoples orders and argue with us while blocking the movie and talking. If they are not talking to us, we still cannot hear the movie because the party in front, next to or in front of us is doing food orders or changes. Cannot believe, that during one of the funniest parts of the movie, I have the bulk of a 300lbs person with tiny tray in front of me and I am hissing 'No! No! I DID NOT order green tea!!! Latteeee...what? Latte! Yes, hot!' while twisting around to see the the screen! Anyone ready to make changes or additions to their food order can press the red button, like so:






It summons your server and GLOWS, which we can imagine makes the movie experience even better! OMG...this whole thing was just a trip to Disturbia, and it is a credit to Little Fockers that I can still recommend it, since feel that I missed half of it. Avoid the full dining movie experience!!!
I mean, seriously, WHY???? Did someone figure out that the TGIfridays across the street makes bank off after the movies crowd, so let's stuff them during the movie? If you look at the menu, it's not part of any 'making America slim effort'. Giving it a great big thumbs down DON'T!!!

Location:Jersey Hood

Holiday Commuter Shame

In full commuter shame mode at Penn Station.

First, let's note sadly the level of drunkenness proportional to the hour: before 9 pm. Yep, drunk and waiting for train before 9 pm. Let us note that it is one of few times in life that actually feel real, cheek burning shame. A decent New Yorker would possibly now be waking up from a nap and just getting ready to go out. The pathetic commuter is heading home. However, even the losers had a nice night out.

From the beginning: leave work with a herd of co-workers heading for Legends, where, despite our long patronage, we are turned away in favor of some undisclosed party who rented the place for the whole damn night! We turn away in a collective huff, and head over to Rattle and Hum a block away where we are not regulars and thus forced to endure all manner of humiliation :( even that hot bitch D6 gets insulted at the bar at one point! Unbelievable! B and I go out to smoke and outside we meet D1 who just got there. D1 looks beyond sexy, all slim and just damn hot! B leans over to say how hot D1 looks, as if I'm blind! As the three of us are smoking, some dudes walk inside the bar, and I think I know one of them and realize is own broM1 with co workers! Holy shit, actually running into flesh&blood family in NYC bar, though should not be shocking, considering broM1 works on same block, but jarring because broM1 is confirmed Jersey lover, supposedly coming into the city in money-making ghost mode only, just to make bank for dream jersey life. BroM1 behaves civilly toward my coworkers, so good enough. Inside, spend some time catching up with D1 and just being with co workers and feel really really happy (and drunk) and think that everyone looks incredibly gorgeous! Increasingly creepy so&so from work manages to steal the beauty and make it all creepy by taking photos incessantly.
At one point, B and I go out to smoke and a HYBT (hotnyoungblackthing) passes us and continues to turn around. So B and I play a fun game where she's my pimp. She gets the HYBT to come back and she asks what he wants to pay for me...sweet chile looks confused and B gets all tough and goes, c'mon, whazzup, she charges by the hour! HYBT is completely pushed off his game, the CBZ in his ear loosing all sparkle! He finally stutters: ah-ahhh, I'm outta here, leaving me and B in hysterical laughter, singing that Hustle and Flow mess rap song about ' having two black honeys and a snow bunny too'! Lolz.
Back inside, I down a few more and then everyone leaves. I make the 8:37 train and completely sober up on the arctic walk home.
Once home, I call B and we talk excitedly about R inviting us to her wedding in India this summer. If girlfriend invited us in her drunkenness, too bad, bc B and I are going!



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Location:Penn Station

Party Peeps

Huuuurah! Today is the last day at work until January 2nd 2011. See you biatches next year, har har! (so sick of that damn joke)

Company, strapped for cash, is giving us a holiday 'luncheon' today, in lieu of a real party with booze...pathetic, but hey, free food is free food!
All the peeps at work in party mood, and after the luncheon we are all gonna sneak out asap and converge at Legends where we will get some cheer on with sweet nectar of life, aka vodka! Cannot wait to leave for today and cannot concentrate because the place is loud with gossip, that giggling (I'm looking at you, D3), nose blowing and a general loose ship atmosphere of pre-holiday I don't give a fuck-ness.

Yesterday B and I gave the chickens their gift of cash and treated them to holiday lunch at a sushi place, disturbing my diet :(

Very excited to meet party peeps later and get drunk not by myself for once (side effect of living in jersey). Also, D1, my favorite, is going to meet me and get his drink on! Miss D1! Cannot wait to tell him the story about homewreckerD's dumb ass trick she pulled on Monday night, that challenged everything I learned in anger management!

Tomorrow, I will have a lovely lovely day of polishing apartment and self, and then will pick up Honey Chile D from station so we can travel to Christmas at the Rents together. I must brace myself and summon up iron will, and remember that D will make me smoke tons of weed and then ruin all my hard work by running out and getting all wrong foods to feed the munchies! I swear, every time...
I will have to think of something to keep me anchored. Perhaps will take a photo with my phone of my bare gut in the sitting position, print it out 80 times and wallpaper the hallway...or something along those lines!


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It's beginning to look a lot like...

....a bloody mess! Just look at my pristine dining room after the first round of wrapping gifts! Dammit! But round 1 is packed and will need to be driven to Rents house tomorrow, on account of the limited space of that impractical car (copyright: mom)
After that's done, I take my sweet sweet babies for a nature hike on the preserve, which is on top of a huge hill, where one can enjoy the view of manhattan, and not enjoy the 9-11 memorial...sads. We jump out of the ladybug and walk on the winter trails, which are desolate and there is no one else out in the woods, and I miss Central Park. I exhaust the babies, on the trails and then playing fetch. The sun grows fader and we drive home. Sitting at a red light, I notice commotion in the van next to me, and look over to see a woman twisted around screaming at fighting kids in the back seat. Gross, I see that the little boy is smearing some food item on the window. I look at the dogs curled up quietly in my passenger seat and say a silent prayer of thanks...there but for the grace of god go I...
At home, I decide to go to the gym. Put on a very jerseylicious gym outfit from Ph8. Hoping to see my gym friend C, I take one of my Borghese mini sets of goodies and wrap it up. Girlfriend is as much of a spa freak as I am and she'll love it. The gym is full of male beauty, starting with the two hot young black guys at the front desk. Mmm. Did not mean to actually have a vigorous workout, but am amazed by how awesome the playlist I made for the little pink shuffle is. I get really into it on the elliptical trainer, listening to a potent mix of superfly, 70's disco funk, ice cube, dr. Dre and Eminem. I amuse myself by looking around and mentally building a perfect boy out of parts and pieces of various men around me. Hmmm...I'll take his shoulders, and this one's legs and this face over here. Fun! I remember that I have two options of actual human contact for tonight (special visitor or drinks with L2) but I can feel my addiction to 'me time' demolishing these earlier plans. I note sadly that Angry Boy is not present at the gym tonight. Too bad, because I wanted to see Angry Boy again not only to feast my eyes, but to try out my gaydar on him. Gaydar has been a complete failure on Angry Boy and I am mystified...Angry Boy, thus mentally named by me on account of his perpetual sexy sulky look, is so hot that is most likely gay, but does not give out the gay vibe with makes my gaydar go beep beep... I put in 20 minutes of vigorous weights and head to the sauna, where I spend 2 and half hours of hard core grooming that would make a million Siamese cats pull out their whiskers in shame! One look at body hair situation confirms that Special Visitor is out of the question tonight. An hour into the sauna I hear C's voice outside and I come out and give her her present. She is so thrilled, and it makes me really really happy, because I just love giving people stuff that they like. Back in the sauna I decide that tonight is def just for me. I actually run into L2 on the way home and realize that he clearly has no memory of inviting me out tonight, as he apparently sent those texts during a drunkie holiday party...or he is miffed at me not saying a definite yes. Either way, we comment on someone's gross cooking smell in the hallway and we both escape to our apartments. I order a special dinner with an ulterior motive of seeing someone I fancy who works there. When I go to pick up the food, my mark is there and I ask him if he is all set for the holidays...yes, he says. All done wrapping gifts? I ask, tossing the hair. Oh, no, my wife does all that! ...great! I try not to look like I'm sucking on a lemon. But I am not homewreckerD, I do not dip into other peoples honey pots.
Food was delicious, esp being first real meal of the week. I am off to my intellectual pursuits and leave you with this picture of Bella ready to go, the minute a bag is on the floor.





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