Is You Is or Is You Ain't My Baby

I am in loooove! Like in Lady Gaga I want your Luv...luv luv luv!
I spent the afternoon at Fancy Feathers where I went to discuss the possibility of finally owning my dream parrot! And the lovely Proprietor D (all peeps in my life have a name starting with D!) allowed me to spend an hour with a baby that's already sold to someone else...what a sweetheart!
She's getting new babies in mid January, and I just might be putting down a deposit! I need name suggestions! I am leaning towards Earl Grey if it's a boy...

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Location:Jersey Hood

Sketchbook Doodles

This morning, I was introduced to the joys of digging out the Ladybug from under a mountain of snow. Holy Shit! Next time it snows, I am parking that thing in the garage next door, and hope it snows on Sunday, so it's only $1 overnight. Since nothing other than unwanted exercise happened lately, I am posting some recent sketchbook doodles.




This chick was at a Starbucks and I was struck by her eyelash extension job, and even tho this was probably done for Xmas and half of them already fell out it was still super sexy. There was one of those paintings behind her, the starbucks standard about their fair-trade practices, usually showing some jungle. I found myself wishing that the leaves really grew out of her head, rather than hair.




This is a practice sketch for a fantasy-fashion painting I've been wanting to do, exploring the relationship between red and violet. I am not getting her eye makeup right and still unsure about background.

This last one, I am pretty sure was a sleepwalking one. Because a) it was in the middle of the book b) I have no memory of doing it c)I hate her newscaster hairstyle d)I would never do the leopard dot detail on the dress while awake. But I can tell by the face it's one of my girls. Go figure.



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Location:Jersey Hood

The STORM!

We have our official first storm darlings!

After safely getting home from bizarre in movie dining experience (see below), nfM and I hang our for awhile, during which nfM tells me family drama stories and discuss her upcoming plans. Very impressive, nfM with her jet setting, all over the world spa career plans, on top of which girlfriend plays the didgeridoo! Eventually, she braves the storm outside and I get a text from L2, inviting me upstairs to drink, bragging that he got prepared for the STORM with much booze! Yey! I make a tray of goodies and head upstairs to L2's apartment where we drink a ton of vodka, smoke weed and have riveting conversations. L2 demonstrates music equipment (the room I use for FASHION, L2 uses for music hobby, and I see how jersey seduces everyone with SPACE, tho in unique ways). I tell L2 about how stores charge my company whenever stuff is on sale and other nuances of pajama business. L2 tells me about the various ways his flawless Russian piece is missing the certain...something. It's character and class, I enlighten him, after seeing a picture of that piece which he tells me looks like me. I correct him that the piece in that picture wishes she looked like me. Then, we watch some dumb ass movie, and someone in that movie drives a ferrari or similar, and L2 says longingly :'cmon, you know if I had that car I could get anything I want!'
My weed-fueled brain dispenses this cracked pearl of wisdom in response:
'if that's the case, you never wanted a lot, L2'
This causes a stoner pause and lull. Eventually, I take my leave. Upon returning home, I look outside and marvel at seriousness of the STORM, and need to clean up the snow in the dining room that has gotten inside through that window I cannot close! I experience a moment of deep gratitude for having a home, shelter and heat on such a night, being forever warped by the horrid Hans Anderson Little Matchbook Girl story that I sincerely hope has been banned since own childhood. Own self had awful nights in childhood, imagining the vile drafty attic home, a slow freezing death and the ghost of dead grandma! Although, I did always like that no pets were harmed in that story. On that note, I am grabbing the cats and the dogs and we are going to sleep under many blankets!


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Cinematic suburban Disturbia

Holy Shit!
This was going to be a not blog-worthy, just going to the movies the day after Xmas kind of deal. But NO!

So my nfM (new friend M who will get a number if ends up being a regular friend) so nfM and I make plans to see Little Fockers. Forewarned by newscasts and the Rents, I am aware of upcoming SNOW and how my impractical car (copyright:mom) can never ever ever be out in the SNOW.
So nfM and I make plans to see the super early show at a certain suburban hub that also houses a Macy's store and a Petco. Off we go and arrive at the familiar movie theater to find it not familiar at all! No normal box office and wonderful popcorn smell. We arrive to see THiS:





A cheesy, Las Vegas style BOOZE lounge (???!!!WTF???)
As we buy the tix, we are informed that this is now a full on dine-in, movie experience theater and are we willing to pay $17.50 per ticket of which $7.50 is our food credit....nfM and I are speechless, mentally reeling from this curve thrown at us so unexpectedly!!! ...er...er..say we and ask if this extra fee is for our popcorn and all. NO, this is for our in-movie dining experience. We are presented with a screen representing the theater and asked to click on our dining seats, where we must sit, like it's the fucking Cirque de Soleil or some such, instead of just a generic ass movie that we came to see. ok ok, we buy the tickets and proceed inside, noting the bizarre new carpeting that makes us feel like we are on a cruise ship (nfM confirms this, glamourized by actually having worked in spa settings on fancy ass cruise ships and spending months 'at sea'...love expression 'at sea').
We get inside what used to be the normal theater #2 but now looks like this:











Sorry for poor quality, these are taken with iPhone, but just note: this again is a vegas set up, with everyone having low lit tables and having to choose from the menu...yes, while the movie has started and then, throughout the movie!!!!
The menu consists of triple bypass specials that no one would ever order!











Our waitress comes and takes our order. It takes us an inordinate amount of time, on account of poor lighting and, more significantly, the fact that this is Jersey, and when one comes to see the movie, it is to see the movie, and to reprogram the suburban brain to now have to incorporate the 'in the diner' think track takes a major shift...The movie starts, and is funny and we try to enjoy it, but the movie waiters keep dashing back and forth with trays and repeatedly bring us other peoples orders and argue with us while blocking the movie and talking. If they are not talking to us, we still cannot hear the movie because the party in front, next to or in front of us is doing food orders or changes. Cannot believe, that during one of the funniest parts of the movie, I have the bulk of a 300lbs person with tiny tray in front of me and I am hissing 'No! No! I DID NOT order green tea!!! Latteeee...what? Latte! Yes, hot!' while twisting around to see the the screen! Anyone ready to make changes or additions to their food order can press the red button, like so:






It summons your server and GLOWS, which we can imagine makes the movie experience even better! OMG...this whole thing was just a trip to Disturbia, and it is a credit to Little Fockers that I can still recommend it, since feel that I missed half of it. Avoid the full dining movie experience!!!
I mean, seriously, WHY???? Did someone figure out that the TGIfridays across the street makes bank off after the movies crowd, so let's stuff them during the movie? If you look at the menu, it's not part of any 'making America slim effort'. Giving it a great big thumbs down DON'T!!!

Location:Jersey Hood

Holiday Commuter Shame

In full commuter shame mode at Penn Station.

First, let's note sadly the level of drunkenness proportional to the hour: before 9 pm. Yep, drunk and waiting for train before 9 pm. Let us note that it is one of few times in life that actually feel real, cheek burning shame. A decent New Yorker would possibly now be waking up from a nap and just getting ready to go out. The pathetic commuter is heading home. However, even the losers had a nice night out.

From the beginning: leave work with a herd of co-workers heading for Legends, where, despite our long patronage, we are turned away in favor of some undisclosed party who rented the place for the whole damn night! We turn away in a collective huff, and head over to Rattle and Hum a block away where we are not regulars and thus forced to endure all manner of humiliation :( even that hot bitch D6 gets insulted at the bar at one point! Unbelievable! B and I go out to smoke and outside we meet D1 who just got there. D1 looks beyond sexy, all slim and just damn hot! B leans over to say how hot D1 looks, as if I'm blind! As the three of us are smoking, some dudes walk inside the bar, and I think I know one of them and realize is own broM1 with co workers! Holy shit, actually running into flesh&blood family in NYC bar, though should not be shocking, considering broM1 works on same block, but jarring because broM1 is confirmed Jersey lover, supposedly coming into the city in money-making ghost mode only, just to make bank for dream jersey life. BroM1 behaves civilly toward my coworkers, so good enough. Inside, spend some time catching up with D1 and just being with co workers and feel really really happy (and drunk) and think that everyone looks incredibly gorgeous! Increasingly creepy so&so from work manages to steal the beauty and make it all creepy by taking photos incessantly.
At one point, B and I go out to smoke and a HYBT (hotnyoungblackthing) passes us and continues to turn around. So B and I play a fun game where she's my pimp. She gets the HYBT to come back and she asks what he wants to pay for me...sweet chile looks confused and B gets all tough and goes, c'mon, whazzup, she charges by the hour! HYBT is completely pushed off his game, the CBZ in his ear loosing all sparkle! He finally stutters: ah-ahhh, I'm outta here, leaving me and B in hysterical laughter, singing that Hustle and Flow mess rap song about ' having two black honeys and a snow bunny too'! Lolz.
Back inside, I down a few more and then everyone leaves. I make the 8:37 train and completely sober up on the arctic walk home.
Once home, I call B and we talk excitedly about R inviting us to her wedding in India this summer. If girlfriend invited us in her drunkenness, too bad, bc B and I are going!



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Location:Penn Station

Party Peeps

Huuuurah! Today is the last day at work until January 2nd 2011. See you biatches next year, har har! (so sick of that damn joke)

Company, strapped for cash, is giving us a holiday 'luncheon' today, in lieu of a real party with booze...pathetic, but hey, free food is free food!
All the peeps at work in party mood, and after the luncheon we are all gonna sneak out asap and converge at Legends where we will get some cheer on with sweet nectar of life, aka vodka! Cannot wait to leave for today and cannot concentrate because the place is loud with gossip, that giggling (I'm looking at you, D3), nose blowing and a general loose ship atmosphere of pre-holiday I don't give a fuck-ness.

Yesterday B and I gave the chickens their gift of cash and treated them to holiday lunch at a sushi place, disturbing my diet :(

Very excited to meet party peeps later and get drunk not by myself for once (side effect of living in jersey). Also, D1, my favorite, is going to meet me and get his drink on! Miss D1! Cannot wait to tell him the story about homewreckerD's dumb ass trick she pulled on Monday night, that challenged everything I learned in anger management!

Tomorrow, I will have a lovely lovely day of polishing apartment and self, and then will pick up Honey Chile D from station so we can travel to Christmas at the Rents together. I must brace myself and summon up iron will, and remember that D will make me smoke tons of weed and then ruin all my hard work by running out and getting all wrong foods to feed the munchies! I swear, every time...
I will have to think of something to keep me anchored. Perhaps will take a photo with my phone of my bare gut in the sitting position, print it out 80 times and wallpaper the hallway...or something along those lines!


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It's beginning to look a lot like...

....a bloody mess! Just look at my pristine dining room after the first round of wrapping gifts! Dammit! But round 1 is packed and will need to be driven to Rents house tomorrow, on account of the limited space of that impractical car (copyright: mom)
After that's done, I take my sweet sweet babies for a nature hike on the preserve, which is on top of a huge hill, where one can enjoy the view of manhattan, and not enjoy the 9-11 memorial...sads. We jump out of the ladybug and walk on the winter trails, which are desolate and there is no one else out in the woods, and I miss Central Park. I exhaust the babies, on the trails and then playing fetch. The sun grows fader and we drive home. Sitting at a red light, I notice commotion in the van next to me, and look over to see a woman twisted around screaming at fighting kids in the back seat. Gross, I see that the little boy is smearing some food item on the window. I look at the dogs curled up quietly in my passenger seat and say a silent prayer of thanks...there but for the grace of god go I...
At home, I decide to go to the gym. Put on a very jerseylicious gym outfit from Ph8. Hoping to see my gym friend C, I take one of my Borghese mini sets of goodies and wrap it up. Girlfriend is as much of a spa freak as I am and she'll love it. The gym is full of male beauty, starting with the two hot young black guys at the front desk. Mmm. Did not mean to actually have a vigorous workout, but am amazed by how awesome the playlist I made for the little pink shuffle is. I get really into it on the elliptical trainer, listening to a potent mix of superfly, 70's disco funk, ice cube, dr. Dre and Eminem. I amuse myself by looking around and mentally building a perfect boy out of parts and pieces of various men around me. Hmmm...I'll take his shoulders, and this one's legs and this face over here. Fun! I remember that I have two options of actual human contact for tonight (special visitor or drinks with L2) but I can feel my addiction to 'me time' demolishing these earlier plans. I note sadly that Angry Boy is not present at the gym tonight. Too bad, because I wanted to see Angry Boy again not only to feast my eyes, but to try out my gaydar on him. Gaydar has been a complete failure on Angry Boy and I am mystified...Angry Boy, thus mentally named by me on account of his perpetual sexy sulky look, is so hot that is most likely gay, but does not give out the gay vibe with makes my gaydar go beep beep... I put in 20 minutes of vigorous weights and head to the sauna, where I spend 2 and half hours of hard core grooming that would make a million Siamese cats pull out their whiskers in shame! One look at body hair situation confirms that Special Visitor is out of the question tonight. An hour into the sauna I hear C's voice outside and I come out and give her her present. She is so thrilled, and it makes me really really happy, because I just love giving people stuff that they like. Back in the sauna I decide that tonight is def just for me. I actually run into L2 on the way home and realize that he clearly has no memory of inviting me out tonight, as he apparently sent those texts during a drunkie holiday party...or he is miffed at me not saying a definite yes. Either way, we comment on someone's gross cooking smell in the hallway and we both escape to our apartments. I order a special dinner with an ulterior motive of seeing someone I fancy who works there. When I go to pick up the food, my mark is there and I ask him if he is all set for the holidays...yes, he says. All done wrapping gifts? I ask, tossing the hair. Oh, no, my wife does all that! ...great! I try not to look like I'm sucking on a lemon. But I am not homewreckerD, I do not dip into other peoples honey pots.
Food was delicious, esp being first real meal of the week. I am off to my intellectual pursuits and leave you with this picture of Bella ready to go, the minute a bag is on the floor.





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Bag Ladies

Friday nite, as work wraps up, I gather gather all the loot from this weeks SAMPLE SAAAAALES (there was also a Bagdley Mishka sale that I did not attend and deserve a medal for self restraint) and pack in up into a Cosco shopping bag with I had the foresight to bring to work. This bag is something that the Dugger family probably actually use to shop for groceries. Its capacity is larger than the trunk of my car! My shopper tote doubling as my purse is also filled to the limit. Add the bulk of the coat and I am a tank ready to brave the busy sidewalks, busy sidewalks dressed in holiday style! Allow myself extra time to navigate the walk of commuter shame to Penn Station. D3 is similarly saddled and we set off like two camels...or homeless bag ladies, more like.
The sidewalk is crowded with similar holiday victims and we trudge forward, our bags getting snagged on others' bags walking in opposite direction. The tourists, with their usual lack of consideration, continue doing their thing, walking together, slowly, and stopping unexplainably. Sheesh! D3 and I repeatedly have to maneuver around them, throwing hate daggers with eyes. At one point, I am slammed into the mailbox, having underestimated a matronly bag lady going in the opposite direction. D3 waits patiently for me to readjust and we keep on. Through all of this, D3 who is a real talker, entertains me with stories. We part ways at her Path entrance and I continue on. Having extra 5 minutes I stop at the wig store and buy a few beauty needs. Penn Station is teeming with desperate get me the fuuuuck home crowds and I am swept up in the swarm and carried onto my train where I collapse into an empty seat and pile my bags next to me in an unfriendly, unchristian, un-holiday, don't even think about sitting here message. I whip out the iPad and watch the Tudors. Somewhere in Seacaucus I realize that I timed the last cup of tea badly, and have a bladder situation. Ugh! I HATE commuting. Horrible horrible walk home from the station, trying to banish the shameful childhood memory of walking home in snow pants in deep snow, having to pee desperately, passing a playground that only had bare winter bushes and finally sitting on a swing, letting the hot pee go in my pants while the hot tears of shame rolled down my cold cheeks. Determined not to repeat the experience, I make it home where the cats solemnly watch my relief.
Off to rents house, where we have a family night watching the final season of Curb. Lolz. Sweet sleep in upstairs bedroom with doggies.


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Sample Sale Inferno

Home. Completely exhausted (physically, emotionally and financially) from the slew of sample sales! Being 'in the business', I am hooked up with the 411 re these events, and proud to say, a pro. Sneak out of work at 9:55 sharp to get in early to the Borghese sale. In the holiday spirit, I share the info with D2, who doesn't believe me it's cash only. When we get there, there is already a line to get in, and after confirming the cash only policy, D2 acts surprised that there is no ATM on premises...considering that the event is at the company's offices, this is bizarre. I shake my head and go in, while D2 needs to go out for cash. Myself, I am ready for battle with cash and shopping bags. The place is a mayhem of fabulous cosmetic gift sets and goodies, the size of a kitchen of an average American home, with crap piled to the ceiling and 40 women at a time, all sweating in winter clothes, all with the same crazed look of the hunt! We are getting our shit and no one is stopping us!!! I push and elbow my way around and at some point look up, hat askew, to see D2 back with cash now stuck on the huge line outside...tsk, tsk. That's an amateur for you! Well, girlfriend will live and learn. I grab a shit load of stuff, trying to mentally allocate what's gifts and what's for ME!
I see many broads I know, and we all know this is no time for small talk, so we smile and keep on! Very female bonding, in a way.
As I'm already paying, D2 finally is admitted inside and I again am generous and give her one of my container store bags, although running a risk of my own stuff ripping from my now no longer double bag! Very unlike me, must be the hunger...anyway, I rush back to the office, where more company time is wasted showing my loot to the chickens, and D4 and S2 run out in a frenzy to get own stuff! Sample sale, sample sale, aaaaaahhhh! Later in the day, one of the chickens gets a cashmere scarf hook up from a friend and I get one and tell her to get more...MORE! I know of the Nautica sample sale but decide it's no place for bombshells and exercise extreme restraint by not attending, reminding myself that need funds to ESCAPE NEW JERSEY. As it is, my bank account balance is curled up in fetal position sobbing in the shower...oh well. I make a solemn promise to self, that after NYE, I will spend a long, Spartan winter holed up in apartment not spending any money, certainly not on food...
Good nite darlings...honey bee is going to go through the loot now.


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Starvation Mode-Shmode!

Today was a great day: felt huge love for Job, doing beautiful art in Photoshop all day, just feeling very grateful. Also ate just 1 grapefruit all day. Excellent! A bit worried about no one from company K calling (yet), but not in panic mode.

Midday, S2 stops by my desk to chat. S2 always makes my shallow heart smile, bc she is the kind of sexy bitch I can roll with and smart, too (always agrees with me).
A thought-provoking deep conversation occurred between me and S2:
We get on the topic of the Only Diet that Works for Us (not eating.period). We bond about what bullshit exercise is, causing uncontrollable hunger and huge legs. Though, ok, probably good for heart. Then, she brings up that dubious concept of 'body going into starvation mode and actually getting fatter'. I give her a side eye and share one of my thoughts from the Dark Side.
"S2," I say in a teacherly manner. "there is no such thing. It's a lie that fat people made up to make everyone else get fat." I let that unorthodox bomb sink in and wait for reaction. She narrows pretty eyes and shakes the red mane...yes.
"think about it!" I carry on with excitement. "Have you ever seen coverage of famine on tv, and the reporter will show a bunch of fatties and say, ...and as you can see these poor people
here went into the STARVATION MODE and now are unable to lose any weight! This is a horrible famine."
"OMG" S2 says. "Ive thought that in the past". Like I sed, girlfriend is v.smart.
I think about all similar situations: like why did they drill a tiny tunnel to send the Chilean miners food in tiny tubes??? Why not just tell them, hey dudes, don't worry. You will go into starvation mode any day, so just chill. You see? Starvation mode-shmode!
Feel super motivated!
After work I go to the sauna and and have myself a good shvitz for an hour. Life is pretty good: single, loving job, almost thin with all the time in the world for doing exactly what I feel like.
If it was taking place in NYC it would be perfect...

Garden State

We start today with an uplifting photo (see below). This was the view from the window on train into the city this morning and this is the kind of image of New Jersey that makes one slap oneself and say 'of course! this is why they call this place the Garden State'. A manifesto of lush, rambling nature, virgin soil, sweet scent and frolicking bunnies!

Weekend update:

Friday: Hungover and over it after Thursday nite dinner with D2 and J and interview with Company K, I decide to take a fake sick day and get started on Xmas shopping. I sleep late, take a bubble bath, get all dolled up and finally ready to leave by noon, i run around the apartment collecting wallet, sunglasses, house keys, car keys...car keys. I stare blankly at the little hook in the hallway that is WITHOUT car keys. Run to the kitchen to check the table...check every purse and coat. No keys. One of the most wonderful things about being single and childfree is that one has an orderly apartment with things that are usually found where one left them. I fling off the coat because by now I am pouring sweat and sit quietly sucking on a cigarette trying to retrace steps. That's when i recall that the last time I drove the car was during the Trunk of Crime ride home. I recall with a sinking heart the mad dash home clutching the bottle and 80 other things, having to pee etc. Come to the sinking conclusion that keys are either a)locked in the trunk or b)fell to the ground.

I put the coat back on & go searching, looking like a mental patient on all fours in the parking lot. No keys. Spend the next 2 hours searching odd places all over the house. Dread telling the Rents about lost keys; I can almost see the giant cartoony I TOLD YOU SO's around their heads, b/c i never made key copy as advised. Eventually give up. As far as i am concerned this is another FAIL as far as my mad suburban living skillz go. File this together with draining car battery twice by leaving blinkers on and entering the grocery store parking lots where it says EXIT. I call the locksmith and calmly make an appointment for next day, noting that the amount is the ENTIRE CHRISTMAS BUDGET!!! Calm calm...

I go to my Bed, climb in, make a nest of pillows, cats and fake fur blankets and decide to stay there for the rest of the day and night. V calls after 5 and inquires about my health. I fess up to fake illness and tell the car key story and she laughs. But the reason for her call is...Company K owner and #2 want to interview me early next week. Am to keep mum. Mood lifts considerably, as I hang up smugly. There might be means, after all, to escape New Jersey. Woooo-Hooooo!

Saturday: Wake up physically ridiculously rested, having gone to bed around 8 the night before and waking up around 10. Somewhat mentally exhausted from dreams about the keys. Note a pathetic text from fbP: 'did you forget about me?' HA! I see you didn't forget about me. Very good. I don't reply. I realize that I have nothing to do until the locksmith gets me into the ladybug. I make delicious tea and go back to bed and watch movies. I do not give in to the temptation to eat. Around 1PM, I stroll to the kitchen for a grapefruit, when notice a stranger puttering around on my balcony. I open the kitchen doo to bark and unfriendly 'can I help you?' and GUESS WHAT??? it's neighborJ holding my keys! Found on the lawn! Yes! Yes! I race to the mall, where I wait 45 minutes to park, get in a fight over a parking space and go on a Christmas shopping spree. I end up with 1 gift and tons of stuff for ME! (as usual) A diet slip occurred in the food court, I'm sad to say. Drive home in a delicious mood regardless, and spend a fun evening trying on and putting away new clothes and jewelry, smoking and trashing everyone on the phone with B. Then the Rents come and drop off the dogs to spend an active Sunday with me.

Sunday: Wake up to a sad rainy day. Take the whining dogs out anyway to PROVE to them it's raining out. They didn't believe me when I said it again and again. Decide to drive them back to the Rents house early, so I could get back early and take an online class and go see the Black Swan. Route 80 like driving through the Ballagio fountains in Vegas. Thrilling danger! I even turned down Ice Cube at one point in order to FOCUS! At one point, I was even doing my mom's Drowning the Baby driving style, which is when you line up your chin with the wheel, which you clutch fiercely while pushing down and and staring into space ahead. At the Rents house, I get my next chapter in the Remodeling the Upstairs Bathroom Saga (this time there were visual aids, in the form of tile samples). Then, even more fun: I get to learn how to fillet and pare down Christmas herring. I do love slicing guts and anything really gross, so I didn't really mind, other than my hands smelling like rank pootang for the rest of the day. Finally, i split, this time remembering to take the jewelry chest. Black Swan was sublime and fabulous, just the kind of dark psycho shit I love. Sweet.

Monday: So here we are. Thrilled to see my friend M3 on the train this morning. We catch up and I tell him about my struggle to fit into the Versace dress and my annoying date with Dr. FeelNotGood

He basically agrees that the dr. is one big douche. He expresses his concern about me not meeting my nutritional requirements (sweet boy) and i tell him that the only thing i need to meet in the next few weeks is my image in the mirror with that fucking dress DRAPING OF ME rather than encasing me like a bratwurst sausage! it was M3 who pointed out the pretty landscape we were passing and we had a laugh about how any minute we would see the mutants coming out of the swamp, or the makeshift cars from Mad Max attacking the train. Mullets everywhere! you had to be there. But since you were not, I leave you with the pretty picture.

Ch-ch-ch-chaaange...

At home...
It is confirmed: Fabulous Job definitely in jeopardy...
Division of my company is being sold to another big company. Company K is something I would love to be a part of, but not certain they will bring me on. Ugh. B and I frantically gathering gossip. BigP promises will recommend me. B says cannot work without me. Love B for that. B and I are like siamese twins: maybe freakish to look at, but cannot be separated without creative blood shed.
Today, I Attended the trend seminar and lo and behold, I win first prize in raffle: color direction book worth over 1k. Meaning colors for spring 2012 will be cake. I rock.
Score at a sample sale later. Mood goes up another notch. Finally get to work. B and I meet with Chickens to go over Holiday market. I volunteer for annoying projects to position myself to be part of division and get taken to company K. Then B tells a stressful rumor: none of us might be going to company K...maybe they just bought the label, and their own design team will absorb the work. Shudder.
I somehow miss the 6:18 train and have to wait for 6:40. After getting home and feeding cats, I jump in the ladybug and drive to parents house. Just to give them the forgotten leash, tamari sauce, flameless candles and lamp for broM2. And bc ladybug needs to be driven...mom shows me the current stage of Upstairs Bathroom project from Hell. I make sympathetic noises and ask why is everyone not using the other bathroom. Mystified about the answer that everyone's stuff is there. I know better than to ask why stuff cannot make the journey one flight of stairs to the other bathroom. Mom just says that broM2 might kill himself stumbling to downstairs bathroom middle of the night. Ok, then.
Mom hooks me up with a bottle of cranberry vodka. The bottle was open, so Dad and I put it in the trunk, as open bottle illegal in car. I just then remember that D put my glass weed pipe somewhere in the trunk, after anniversary party in September. Paranoid ride home, imagining being pulled over and the trunk of crime being discovered by EJC (evil jersey cop).
Sure enough, one follows me for 4 miles on route 80. Sweating in fake fur, but EJC finally gives up, discouraged by my stately 60mph steady middle lane driving. Ladybug is a cop magnet!
Tomorrow going on audition to become a voice over talent. Don't laugh: I must secure other sources of income. Wish me to break a leg!

Almost Weekend!

Friday AM. On train.
While waiting on the platform, and I tell L the rest of the story about SHADY, annoying A and we both agree that I am blowing off going to dinner with him tonite, and prob ever again.
I don't need this shit, and I'm way out of his league anyway. My shallow heart cannot do without Major Hotness...last nite, after returning home from seeing The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest, I called B back. She was still in San Fran. We spent a solid hour dissecting the meeting with Account and crazyA's behavior during. Then I told her about my annoyance with A (regular A not crazyA) and shared a laugh about the idiocy of men. Miss B :(
Tomorrow plan on spending productive day trying to secure new Fabulous Job and continuing dreamwever class. Terrified about losing the job and not having funds to escape NJ.
Sunday having a massage party at my house. Mom and J are def coming possibly others. I hope the healer doesn't keep up that thing about 'quieting me' and trashing the City like he did last time. NOT relaxing.
I will have a nice sauna tonite and maybe hang with L2. Have a nice life, A!

Back to Reality

So, back to work at Fabulous Job. Six lovely days off. Watched movies with dogs, recovered from dr. Botox, went to the park with dogs and on a date in NYC which turned out not to be a real date. A much married rich dude who likes to surround himself with professional (not that way) lovelies. I arrived, had to shamed- faced admit that needed to get the last train to jersey, after which was ignored. Horrid ride back to Jersey on Last Train filled with drunk teens. Not even worth it.

At work everyone frantic with leaving for San Fran to meet with Account X. Grateful not going, although resentful at the same time. Commute to work 2 hours. Arrive 1 hour late and soaked.
Notice P actually at his desk, actually present at work. Disturbing talk with P, during which, I understand the company's days are numbered and Fabulous Job might be no more in the new year. Fuck.... Fuck, fuck, fuck. Am completely broke from dr. Botox and frivolous designer shoe purchases. But come on... A girl in fashion cannot be taken seriously unless the bottoms or her heels are fabulously RED. We all know that's half of V's power: her seemingly endless array of Louboutins. But anyway. If laid off, have cheap living in fabulous apartment in jersey, though move to NYC light years away without Fabulous Job.

D2 leaves in a hurry, hiding her print assortment from me. Bitch! Have meeting with a London studio and purchase 6 prints. Once again, realize that Dior Poison is not as captivating on me as on the London rep. Half-hearted convo with J about our efforts in marketing and new format for newsletter. Enjoy several minutes of trashing insaneA.

Texting back and forth with A about my need to control Friday night date. Get completely annoyed. Relate to Mother who is not sympathetic and 'has to go'. We agree that I am a 'weird girl'.

B leaves for San Fran. We share a laugh after figuring out that the mysterious charge on our cc's to 'destination happiness' is not a Chinese restaurant or porn service, but company's travel agent. Feel sorry for B and hope she has a safe flight in the winds.

Get mobile alerts about wires on tracks and all trains diverted to Hoboken. Grateful to botox. My face remains serene, as my insides boil...regardless of situation, have to go to Penn
Station to purchase monthly pass. Long line. Go outside and stand stupidly at 8th ave and 34th street deciding on which hell: path to Hoboken and wait for mystery train or bus from Port Authority. Finally decide on the latter. Half hour on line. When finally get on bus, A is on the bus! We sit together and I explain why I must know where we go on Friday. When finally arrive in FancyTown, A pisses me off to high hell. Too complicated to xplain why. Not sure if I will go out with him on Friday.

Once home, I busy myself with finally hanging up the curtains. You see, I take perverse pleasure in making my Jersey prison look like a fucking showcase. I pull a muscle, as I balance precariously while drilling, and of course either the new drill bit or the weak drill fail, and I end up hammering the parts in while dripping sweat. It looks kinda ghetto, but I hope that it will look better when I do the pull- backs on Saturday with daylight.

I am very very hungraaay...you see, I want the Versace dress to not just fit, but DRAPE on NYE. Dress is hanging by the fridge to serve as reminder that every time I open the fridge I am not worthy of the dress. The cats, who supervised the curtain project and the hanging of the dress on the fridge project stare at me with approving green eyeballs. One of them left a pile of barf on the kitchen floor. If it's a hint, forget about it. Hate bulimics- wasteful. On the other hand, the anorexic will power...now that's something I can work with.

Going to bed, remembering to put the phone with alarm far away from the bed...lesson learned this morning that the nightstand bullshit does not work! I need to be forced to get up to turn it off.